


My name, is Ansem

by WavesBlade



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Fuu-sion-ha!, Gen, Nerdanort, Nobodies but not Nobodies, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recusant, Studies of the Heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 23:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14841513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WavesBlade/pseuds/WavesBlade
Summary: AU: When neither Master Xehanort or Terra can boot the other out of their shared heart, and Terra decides to remain Xehanort's jailer, Xehanort makes an offer. To merge hearts, for them to cease to be, and become someone new. Terra agrees, seeing it as a way to destroy Xehanort. Yet, is this the right way? Who will their 'true fusion' become? Will he walk the path of good, or evil?





	1. The Gamble

Terra was, to be frank, frustrated. He had said he'd show Xehanort the door, kick him out of his heart. Yet, as days and weeks passed, nothing happened. Neither of them could outdo the other. In matters of heart, all the scheming, abilities, magic, and powers did not mater. All that did was the strength of one's heart. Xehanort had the advantage at first, having submerged Terra' heart in darkness, but thanks to his Lingering Will, to Aqua, to stabbing himself with the Keyblade, and to the Master's soft but fading presence in his heart, they were on even footing.

And even footing was what it had been ever since.

He had watched, trying to appear as impassive as possible, as 'apprentice Xehanort' went about his days as an apprentice to Ansem the Wise. It was one of the few things they could do in here when not fighting against one another. He and Xehanort jabbed one another, taunting about traits they saw of themselves in persona controlling Terra's possessed body.

On the surface, the day-to-day activities and lessons the apprentice undertook, he appeared more Xehanort. Cold, intensely focused, and very curious on learning the matters of the heart. What was worse was Xehanort's trump card, Braig was there, constantly trying to steer 'Apprentice Xehanort' towards Xehanort's plans.

Terra was terrified of those moments, when the apprentice truly seemed like a younger, inexperienced Xehanort.

Yet, when 'Apprentice Xehanort' was alone, at night. He'd stare up into the night's sky, clutching the wayfinder Aqua had made Terra. He whispered questioningly to himself about friends, about the woman with blue hair, the boy with spiky blonde hair. Wondering who they were, where they were, why they weren't here with him. Terra considered himself very lucky Xehanort hadn't had a chance to dispose of the wayfinder during the brief period he had of complete control. It, and through it, his friends, were probably the only reason he hadn't given up yet.

Those moments, the strength of his friends breaking through to the confused persona, were what gave him hope. Not to mention made Xehanort _very_ disgruntled.

So here they stood, in the darkness, both of them locked away from controlling the body and heart.

"I don't know why you bother to continue resisting," said Xehanort, "The flickers of you that bleed through are brief, hardly worth clinging to."

"They're enough," said Terra, "It shows, that deep down, there is still a light."

Xehanort scoffed. "So you say, but, as I said before. Even _IF_ you should win, I have many roads left to take."

Terra pondered his words for a moment. When Xehanort had first said it, he had been uneasy, extremely so. He didn't know if the old man was just taunting him, trying to make him despair, or telling the truth. Being the old schemer Xehanort was, Terra wouldn't put anything past him.

Yet...

"There's one problem with that threat," said Terra.

"Oh, and what is that, _boy_?" asked Xehanort, amused.

Terra smirked. "You have to be out of here to take those roads, and it looks like neither of us are going anywhere."

Xehanort clasped his hands behind his back. "So you admit you cannot best me, cannot rid your heart of me."

"No more than you can do to me," shot back Terra.

Xehanort frowned. "For now."

"Forever," said Terra, narrowing his eyes, "Until the day this body dies of old age, or otherwise."

Xehanort narrowed his eyes right back, and slowly brought his hands to his side. "You seem confident of that."

"I am, to be honest, not sure I want to let you out of here," said Terra, "If I had to choose between keeping you locked away in here, or casting you out and risking you hurting my friends, I think I'd rather spend the rest of my life as your jailer. Especially since you can't enact any of your plans, if your heart is stuck in here fighting mine."

Xehanort frowned intently. "..."

"I got you there old man," said Terra smugly, crossing his arms in front of him.

"You'd truly chose to make your heart a prison for the both of us?" demanded Xehanort.

"If that's what it takes," said Terra.

"And risk never seeing your friends again?" asked Xehanort.

Terra frowned at that. "They'll... be alright."

"Will they? You saw what happened at the end of the fight, the misguided master, your 'Aqua', cast herself to darkness to save you," said Xehanort, "How long do you think she can survive in the Realm of Darkness, all alone?"

Terra tensed a bit. "She... she'll find a way out... she'll survive... I know she will."

"And if she doesn't? What about dear Ventus?" said Xehanort mockingly.

Terra frowned. "What about him?"

"Vanitas was one such road I might have taken," said Xehanort, "Through him I am aware of what state Ventus is in, sleeping, trying to recover after foolishly sacrificing himself to destroy the X-Blade from within."

Terra's eyes went wide with shock. "Ven... he... he sacrificed himself?!"

"And his body is locked away," said Xehanort, "If Aqua sealed him where I think she did, no one save for her can ever find the boy. If she dies, then Ventus remains forever lost, and Vanitas too I suppose. It would be a setback, true, but more for you than for me."

Terra clenched his fist and yelled, "Why couldn't you leave my friends alone?!"

Xehanort smiled cruelly. "They fulfilled their purposes."

He frowned. "Somewhat."

"Not really," spat Terra, "Ven blew up your X-blade, and Aqua helped to make sure you didn't stay in control of this body."

Xehanort glared at him.

"Face it old man, as you wanted to do to me, you're a prisoner in this heart," said Terra evenly, "You are going nowhere."

Xehanort pursed his lips. "So it would seem, yet, I see doubt and flickers of uncertainty in your eyes. You are not sure if you can contain me."

"I see the same thing in yours," Terra shot back, "You don't know if you can overpower me and break out."

"Perhaps," said Xehanort with a tint of concern, "So then, I ask, if we were to... compromise... say, I get Aqua out of the Realm of Darkness, and you give up this pointless resistance..."

"Like hell I will," snarled Terra, "You'd probably use me to hurt her the moment you were in control."

Xehanort frowned intently. "I refuse to be trapped here in this forsaken place!"

"I'm not letting you out old man, even... even if I have to stay here keeping you trapped for the next eighty years or so," said Terra with reluctant determination, "Give or take how long the 'apprentice' lives."

Xehanort turned his head, watching the image they could see, of 'Apprentice Xehanort' walking down the hall to his room. "Then perhaps, therein lies the answer."

Terra grew wary. "What do you mean?"

Xehanort raised a wriggling hand and pointed. "Neither of us wishes to remain trapped here, don't even deny it boy, I can see the despair in your eyes. To never be able to see your friends again, to have me as your only company until the day our ca-joined persona dies. On the flip side, I have to many plans and desires waiting to be enacted, the Keyblade War and Kingdom Hearts, to be unlocked."

"We have argued, you and I, over who influences this 'apprentice' more," said Xehanort, "Are you willing to bet everything then, on the belief that you and your friends matter more than my wisdom, and the pursuit for the X-Blade and Kingdom Hearts?"

"They _DO_ matter more," said Terra with a bit of confusion, "But what are you going on about? I'm _NOT_ letting you out of here."

"Then don't," said Xehanort simply, "Gamble everything, risk everything on the chance that your will matters more. Merge your heart with mine, and I, as well as you, will cease to exist."

Terra looked at him, stunned. "What?!"

"The 'apprentice' that exists now is an imperfect creation, a falsehood. If one of us were to gain an advantage here, it would effect him out there. He is not his own true person. But merge your heart with mine, and he will be," explained Xehanort.

Terra just stared at him. "I don't... follow."

Xehanort rolled his eyes. "Such inexperience, you truly are a feckless neophyte."

Terra glared at him. "Shove it old man!"

"A merge of heart, a mixture and coalition of desires, wills, and ambitions," explained Xehanort, "If we were to combine ourselves, the 'apprentice' would be reborn as an amalgamation of everything we once were."

Xehanort offered a hand. "Make your choice Terra."

Terra stared at the outstretched hand for a moment. "You're either lying, or have something up your sleeve to tip the scales in your favor. You'd never gamble like this, even if you had nothing else to lose."

Xehanort seemed amused. "I won't deny it, I do have much in my favor, and there is little in yours. Braig is right there to steer 'the apprentice' onto my path, not to mention the witch Maleficent is not as defeated as your dear Aqua would believe. I have years of experience in matters of the heart and will, to stand triumphant over you."

"So the question still remains, boy, do you trust in your friends enough to believe you can win in the merger? Or shall we continue this endless standoff, both of us a prisoner in this body until it dies, unless one of us should one day outdo the other?" inquired Xehanort, hand still outstretched.

Terra frowned intently, pondering the _offer_ , the _gamble_ , the _challenge_. He trusted in his friends, they were the cause that kept him fighting. Though, he sorely wished he had trusted in them more back when everything was falling apart. Perhaps, if he had turned to Aqua instead of angrily turning away from her at Radiant Garden, if they had returned to the Master, maybe things wouldn't have turned out like this. Ven would be okay, Aqua would still be in the Realm of Light, and he'd have kept his body.

Instead, he'd gone off by himself and been a gullible fool. Even now, he was incredibly wary that this was some kind of trap.

Yet...

On the chance that it wasn't, there was one simple fact that enticed him so greatly. If they did this 'heart merge', then Xehanort would be _GONE_. He would cease to exist as he was, but, so would he himself. Yet, sacrificing himself to eliminate Xehanort was a sacrifice he was willing to make. After all, he had told Xehanort that whatever the cost, he was willing to pay it.

The only question is... who would the 'apprentice' become? Xehanort reincarnated in a younger stronger body? Or a friend for Aqua and Ven, hopefully to lessen the blow they'd feel at his loss?

Or perhaps something else entirely?

He didn't know, but, as he stretched out his hand to take Xehanort's, he put his faith in his friends, and that one day, if this act didn't set things right, they would...

* * *

Apprentice Xehanort walked into his room, grumbling quietly to himself about Master Ansem's interference. He had to know and understand the matters of the heart, the man was a constant, aggravating roadblock in their experiments. He was planning to continue the experiments in the basement at some point with the other apprentices, but, perhaps... it would be for the best if the man were taken out of the picture and...

His breath left him, he staggered and half collapsed against his bed, crying out in pain and clutching his heart. Pain, enormous pain erupted from his chest, making him scream in agony. Memories, far to many conflicting memories and emotions started jumbling for control inside of his head. He staggered away, knocking over a chair, sweeping an arm to clear papers and books off a nearby bed stand, and slamming his head down on it.

He clutched his head and screamed. "WHO AM I?!"

Everything hurt so much, he just wanted it to stop!

He gave a roar and raised his hand into the air, a silver blade shaped like a key appearing in his hand. He acted on instinct, gripped it two handed, and drove the weapon into his chest, his heart...

Instantly the pain stopped, the key disappeared, and he fell to his knees. Memories began to leave him one by one, each scrap of knowledge he had just gained, trickling away, but the relief was to immense to make him care, yet... he started losing more and more... soon enough, he didn't even know where he was... or have even the slightest clue of who he was...

Three images played across his mind...

The first was of an old bald man and a young man that he thought looked unsettlingly to much like himself, both slowly blending together and fading away.

The second was of a strange kind of key like blade. There were two plain 'Keyblade' weapons interconnected over a strange silvery filigree. Out of the crossing of the two Keyblades extended a sharp blade of gold that actually resembled a sword instead of a key. Circling the outside of the picture were twenty spheres, thirteen dark, seven light. High above it, far in the sky beyond the clouds, was that of a heart shaped moon. Both the key, and the moon, felt so enticing to him...

The third, and final image was of two people. One, was a beautiful young blue haired woman, and a friendly young boy with spiky blonde hair. He felt his heart yearn for them as they extended their hands out for him to take. He so desperately wanted to be with them, to know who they were and what they meant to him...

He collapsed to the ground and whispered one final time before he passed out. "Who... am I...?"


	2. Fresh Start

Slowly, a young nameless man opened his eyes and looked up at a ceiling. "Where... am I...?"

There was a soft sigh to his right. "Awake at last Xehanort."

He turned his head to see an older man sitting in a chair next to his bed. The man had blond hair worn long and slicked back, a short mustache and goatee, and bright orange eyes that shined just and kind. The man had a white coat with a large and long red scarf wrapped around his neck hanging down.

He registered what the man had said a moment later. "Xe...hanort...?"

Something about that name... left a bitter taste in his mouth, he didn't like it.

The older man glanced down at him eyebrows furrowed. "Your name...?"

His name? No... no he did not like that name, it made his stomach turn. "That's... that's not my name..."

The older man brightened briefly. "It isn't? Do you remember now your previous life?"

The young man tried to think, but all he could come up with were the three bizarre images that had hit him before he passed out. "No... I..."

He shook his head and glanced at the older man warily. "Where am I? Who are you?"

The older man sighed. running a hand through his hair. "Even worse than I feared. You've lost your memories again."

The older man frowned. "I warned you Xehanort, my apprentice, about experimenting with one's heart, but you didn't listen. It's more than obvious to me you kept on experimenting, and thus here we are again."

The young man frowned. "I don't... that's not my name."

The older man seemed amused. "Then what is your name?"

The young man hesitated. "I... don't know."

He slowly sat up, a heavy frown on his face. "Call me what you will, but do not call me _that_ name."

The older man tilted his head, studying him. "You find it distasteful?"

The young man clenched and unclenched his fists. "Yes. It leaves me with... a bitter taste in my mouth, and anger in my heart."

The older man rubbed his chin in thought. "Perhaps we misunderstood what you were saying when we first found you. Xehanort may have been the one who left you injured, rather than your name. Though, you never showed an aversion to the name when you woke up."

The young man thought it over, feeling uncertain. "I'm not fully sure."

The two of them sat there for a time, lost in thought, before the older man cleared his throat. "I suppose then, we may as well get ourselves reacquainted. I am Ansem the Wise."

"Ansem," said the young man, tasting the name.

There was no reaction to that name in his heart, no flicker of memory, but...

"You said... that I was your apprentice?" questioned the young man.

"One of six," said Ansem, "Your fellows being Even, Ienzo, Braig, Dilan, and Aeleus."

The young man tasted the names in his mouth. None of them brought a reaction... save for one. The name Braig... something about it was oddly familiar, though he wasn't sure if it was in a good way or not. He'd have to encounter the man to see.

"Do any of them ring a bell?" asked Ansem.

The young man hesitated. "Braig... sounds familiar, but I'm unsure."

Ansem nodded. "You and Braig have spent quite a bit of time together."

Ansem frowned. "Though, I question if that time was well spent."

The young man shot him a curious look. "What do you mean?"

Ansem pulled on his beard. "My young friend, I will be perfectly honest with you. While it saddens me to see you lose yourself yet again, perhaps it is for the best."

The young man gave him an incredulous look. "You say it is good that I lost my memories? Apparently for a second time?"

Ansem nodded slowly. "At first, when we called you Xehanort, you were simply a curious young man, struggling to find his place in an unfamiliar world. But... Braig pressured me to induct you into the apprenticeship, and began pressing you, pressing us, to delve into the matters of the heart. Not that you, nor the rest of us disagreed at first. You learned and absorbed my wisdom quickly, but... what began as simple psychological tests on you has begun to snowball in a way that begins to disturb me."

The young man mulled over his words for a few minutes. "Disturbs you how?"

"Ienzo has been pressuring me to create a massive laboratory in the basement, in his words, to 'safely test the matters of the heart in a controlled environment'. I tentatively agreed to it, construction was to begin next week. I had not planned on questioning, it, but here the two of us are, in what I assume is the aftermath of an experiment gone wrong. We have above ground laboratories. Ones I consider fairly safe and secure. Why then, would an underground laboratory be needed?" questioned Ansem, giving the young man a pointed look.

"Underground, unseen, unobserved," murmured the young man before meeting Ansem's gaze, "To keep any experimentation hidden."

Ansem sighed heavily. "Correct, though, seeing you here now, amnesiac once more, it's obvious you did not even wait until this 'secure and secret' laboratory was complete in order to continue testing the matters of the heart, and the darkness within it."

"You're saying I did this to myself?" asked the young man in disbelief.

"You were eager, beyond measure, to delve into the mysteries of the heart and unlock your own lost memories," said Ansem, "Eager enough to be careless in how you did so. We have no precedent in experimentation and testing upon the heart to draw from, only what we discover as we go. There are always risks associated with delving into new fields of research. I assume you may have accidentally damaged your heart and locked away your memories in your haste."

The young man was not blind to the disappointment in Ansem's words, nor his eyes. He bowed his head, saying nothing.

"My friend, foolish apprentice of a foolish man...," began Ansem.

"You call yourself foolish?" asked the young man in confusion.

Ansem chuckled softly. "Indeed I am, for it was ultimately my decision to allow this research to begin, ignorant of the dangers and the cost. I will not feign innocent when I am as guilty as you are of you waking up here amnesiac once more."

The young man regarded the older one curiously. It would have been easy to just pin the blame on him, yet Ansem readily owned up to it as well. Ansem showed much wisdom, and even care. The young man found himself rather impressed by the older one, Ansem was a man he could respect.

"It takes a man of character to admit such a thing," said the young man.

Ansem smiled faintly before speaking, "Your words are to kind, but wasted on one such as I."

Before the young man could argue, Ansem cleared his throat. "I can imagine you will attempt to re-take your old role once more, but please, for your own sake, heed my advice. Do not tread recklessly into the darkness lurking within all of our own hearts. You may harm yourself as readily as you may harm others. I have heard Even speak of looking into volunteers for future experiments. I do not want my subjects harmed in reckless experimentation, as this was begun as a method to see to their safety."

The young man nodded. "Of course... Master Ansem."

Ansem rose from his chair and turned to go before pausing, "If Xehanort is not a name you wish to bear, what shall we call you?"

The young man frowned, mulling it over, before shaking his head. "I'm unsure, but for now, simply call me what you say I am, an Apprentice."

Ansem tilted his head in acknowledgement. "Very well my apprentice. Your fellows are gathered waiting news of your status. I will give you time to rest and go to them myself. I will, again, warn them about taking precautions in the experiments we do. Though, at this point I am beginning to consider if they should be called off in full before it runs the risk of getting out of hand."

The Apprentice nodded in acknowledgement, but stayed silent. Yet, when Ansem did not move from the doorway, continuing to stare at the Apprentice, he was made aware the older man was expecting an answer to his musings. He gave it a once over, a slight frown on his face as he contemplated an reply.

"I don't think the research should stop, though, I'm saying that without seeing it before my eyes," admitted the Apprentice, "But... I do think you should refuse this 'Ienzo's' request for an underground laboratory. Without the watchful eyes of someone wiser, I'm not confident in what would happen."

Ansem seemed pleased with his answered. "Agreed my young Apprentice, you show wisdom beyond your years. Now, lay and rest my friend, I'm certain you need it."

The Apprentice laid back down as Ansem left, his mind troubled by what he heard and learned. So... he was apparently an apprentice researcher, or scientist, or something, to Ansem the Wise. He bore this status with five others. They had been researching and experimenting, showing recklessness according to Ansem, into the matters of the heart, and the darkness within it. Whatever experiment he himself had done prior to waking up here had apparently marred his memories, for the second time it seemed.

He gave a frustrated sigh. "My luck in life seems poor."

His thoughts turned back to the only three things he could remember. The old and young man melding, the key and the heart shaped moon, and the young woman and teenage boy. What importance were they? Perhaps he should have confided in Ansem about them? All things considered, perhaps Ansem could look into who the people were...

Especially the woman and the boy...

They pulled at him, in a way that made him anxious. Who were they? Where were they? What were they to him? He thought perhaps they may be friends, but, if so, why weren't they here with him? Had something happened to them?

He sighed and forced himself to move on. Dwelling on such thoughts would serve only to stress him. He'd talk to Ansem about them later, and that would have to do for now. He shifted focus to the key and the moon.

The memory of the key... it made his mouth start to water in anticipation for a reason he couldn't fathom. Such a thing, he knew by form and size alone, told him that it was important. Two key like blades crossed over one another, the shinning filigree and blade extending beyond the keys. He felt a craving for it, to hold that key, that key beyond all other keys, in his hands and...

And what?

He frowned. He wanted the key, he felt it, but what did he want it for? What a perplexing thing...

He shifted focus to the heart shaped moon in what little memories he had. He felt a craving as equal as he had for the key. No, he felt something even more. As if this giant floating heart in the sky held all answer and all knowledge. Yet, the moon hung overhead, maddeningly out of reach. Whatever this thing was, he knew it was no simple moon. It was something... more. If the key was a key beyond all others, then perhaps the moon was a heart beyond all others as well. For, he could not think of the key without the moon, and vise versa.

He allowed his thoughts to linger on that craving for a time longer before focusing on the last image. The young man who looked like him, and the older one. The old one was the easiest to focus on, he instantly felt anger and rage at him. The feeling he compared to someone having ruined his life, it almost made him wonder if the old man had done so. If he ever met that man, his first instinct he knew would be to throttle him.

The young man who looked so much like himself though...

His first urge was to scoff. He didn't understand where the sensations came from, but by looking at the young man, he felt like he was looking at a bumbling fool. He had a hard time taking the visage seriously. Naive, too trusting, easy to manipulate, the perfect tool. Those four thoughts circled his head mind briefly. He was curious why they did so, but dismissed them as unimportant as the man himself, and yet...

He paused, staring at the image in his mind. For a split second, it felt like he and his doppelganger had locked eyes. The pure raw determination he found hidden in them made him uneasy for a moment, wondering if he had underestimated the visage...

He shook his head and banished the images, sighing. "Master Ansem said I should rest, I doubt I'll get the chance later if I don't now."

With that, he laid back down on the bed and closed his eyes to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Had a random fan-fiction idea of: 'What If Xehanort and Terra fully merged?' and decided to put it into writing. I don't know when I'm actually going to get to it, what with all the other stories I've got going at the moment, but I didn't want to let it sit and forget about it.
> 
> So basically in this AU: Xehanort and Terra are gone, 'apprentice Xehanort', overwhelmed by their merger, stabs himself and locks all of his/their memories, and creates a new blank slate, separate from apprentice Xehanort. He will become his own full person, separate yet intertwined with who both Terra and Xehanort were. How that changes things in lore, will remain to be seen.


End file.
